I didn't notice most of these things until after I've read about them online, which just proves that not only can Michael Bay make an extremely dumb and entertaining movie, but also has enough talent to lower the audience's IQ.
5-1+1=6 Math doesn't count
Apparently, not even military specialists know how to do simple arithmetic in the movie. Submarine technician counts five decepticons going down to rescue Megatron, one gets turn to scrap for parts in order to repair him - essentially as a sacrifice; Megatron awakens and the techy counts six decepticons rising from the sea. Where the fuck did the extra one come from? Must be the shit Michael Bay is pulling out of his ass. Plus not to mention that the Arcee twins, the three tranforming bikes that you only see in the beginning and near the end of the movie, are a group of three. How the fuck can you call them twins?
Walking is faster than driving.
Thankfully I actually noticed this one. Apparently in the Transformers universe, walking/running is faster than any other form of short transportation. Take the scene in the forest for example. Sam can fucking outrun the Decepticons that not only are as tall as two story buildings but can transform into cars and jets! WTF?
Not only that but considering the final act of the movie where it was of the utmost importance to bring the Matrix of Leadership to revive Optimus in a timely fashion, Sam chooses not to drive but walk... Walk across the desert in blazing hot heat while the evil decepticons are on his tail and the military is bombing the place like Hiroshima cause it's more logical that way... cause walking's for pussies and faster than any form of transportation which brings us to the next point...
Reviving Optimus.
Ok, we get that Optimus is like the Biggest Baddest transforming mother fucker ever and that he needs to come back to life in order to save the day, but did they have to go through all that trouble just to revive him? Sam's got a sliver of the Allspark with him right? And the Allspark can be used to bring Cybertronians back to life like it did for Megatron. But no, leave it to the humans to complicate it all by going to the agent, try to decypher the symbols and use the last of the AllSpark to revive a grandpa transformer and teleport you all the way to Egypt just so you could travel through the desert and locate the Matrix of Leadership to revive Optimus just so he could destroy the Fallen one, because he's the only one that can.
Fuck! You already have the Allspark in your jacket. "Geez, let's go find that old transformer and use this Allspark sliver to bring him back to life so he can tell us how to bring Optimus back."
Decepticons aren't EVIL... at all
OK, so the series has divided the lines, Autobots good, Decepticons bad. Two years after the incident in L.A. where a bunch of huge Robots basically fuck up the city, Optimus and the rest of the autobots form an alliance with the military to hunt down the decepticons hiding in various locations on Earth. This is the opening first ten minutes of the movie, Autobots and military taking down a decepticon in Shanghai. Two years of hiding on Earth, what the HELL did the decepticons do? NOTHING! They're hiding peacefully in plain sight not harming any humans or other autobots in their time on Earth but leave it to Optimus to hunt those guys down like animals. Shit that big ass Tranformer wasn't a threat to anyone if anything, he was helping the chinese government build up their economy. No wonder why Decepitcons hate autobots and humans. That my friend, was just cold blooded murder.
Humans are retarded
A bunch of huge transforming robots fuck up one of the most famous and populated cites in the world, and still the government can find a way to cover it up. Guess Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones should've made a cameo, but since they didn't, humans are stupid for believing the government's shit. You can't cover-up countless buildings destroyed, unless you use asteroids as a scapegoat. Armageddon should've been a spinoff of Transformers in that case. Then you got the huge experimental weapon known as the Rail Gun that could fuck up a HUGE Transformer in a single blast. Where the Hell was it when Megatron and the Fallen were up at the peak of the pyramid with the Energon making machine? Three birds one stone and they only managed to kill one. Humans can't do math in this movie. Plus just look at Sam's quest to revive Optimus for more proof of humanity's stupidity.
Decepticons are retarded.
Even worse than humans are the decepticons. Sam is going to college and the Decepticons sent a human/transformer hybrid to hunt him down for... whatever reason. One would be lead to assume the Allspark but then again, if you know what school he's going to, his dorms and his classes, why bother sending an infiltration unit? If they had the technology to trace Sam's footsteps all the way to college, why didn't they just confront him earlier? Or maybe they know that he's got the symbols in his brain or something that they needed to extract from him after he's touched the All Spark sliver which begs the question, why don't you steal the thing from him before it gets into his brain? I'm sure that scientist Transformer can steal the sliver, inspect it and discover the symbols to the Sun Harvestor without having to go through Sam. Also, what with the plan to kidnap Sam's parents? You mean that a big bad Decepticon would rather use his parents as a bargaining chip to get the Matrix of Leadership instead of picking him up and shaking it out of him. I don't know about you but if some puny animal was in the way of my survival, the last thing I would do is threaten its family, I'd kill it before it kills me. Decepticons make Rube Goldberg plans that never seem to work.
Maybe all Cybertronians are retarded...
So Autobots and Decepitcons need a source of Energon in order to Survive... what to do? Build an Energon harvestor that destroys suns in order to make that energon. But here's the catch, the 8 (or 7)Primes have vowed never to destroy a Sun that provides energy for any other living thing. But one Prime's all like "Man, Fuck humans, let's blow this shit up anyways" (cause it's a Micheal Bay movie) Thus is the one called the Fallen. They need to find a way to stop the fallen one but here's a catch; the fallen can only be killed by a Prime. The remaining primes devise a plan soo ingenious that it is bound to work, they kill themselves and hide the Matrix of Leadership in a tomb made of their bodies so that the Fallen one cannot put his hands on it, and hide the Harvestor in a pyramid thus preventing the Sun Harvestor from being activated and protecting the human race.
Fuckin' A.
Never mind the fact that it's at least 7 Primes to 1 (doing that math I think the chances are pretty good that you'd win, but then again since 5-1+1=6, I don't think the same rules applies in this universe) or that you can go the Michael Bay route and Blow up the Fucking machine. The Primes seem get a hard on whenever the thought of sacrificing themselves for the greater good comes along, seriously look at them all, Optimus tried sacrificing himself in the first movie and that was his plan. But why not just move on to another fucking system? Last I checked there's at least a good few hundred BILLION other fucking stars in this galaxy. One Sun ain't gonna make much of a difference. Instead of nipping the problem in the bud by either A) Killing The Fallen by jumping his ass (remember, it's at least seven of you Primes and one of him); B) Blowing up the Machine instead of hiding it or; C) moving to another system. They wait for a decendant of the Primes - Optimus, to vanquish the evil in thier place. And what did Optimus do? He blew up the fucking Harvestor.
This is one of those movies that kids will look back on in ten years and laugh at how stupid the whole thing is. It's a fun dumb movie, and unfortunately too dumb for it's own good. I'm not gonna lie though I enjoyed it. I knew going in that a Micheal Bay movie is going to go one way and one way only: Shit blows up. I guess that's why most of the general audience can enjoy this movie, the explosions prevent you from questioning the movie's logic until after you leave the theatre. Fuck man everything blew up in the movie; cars, building, dorm rooms, forests, deserts, even the Dog's House Blew up!
