Free Write 2

I've been thinking about the reasons why somebody would avoid hell. Sure, no one wants to spend an eternity being tortured to death only to realize that you can't die.

But think about Heaven for a second. In heaven you can't do all the sinful things that we enjoy down here on earth. That means no porn, adultery, prostitutes, drugs, provocative music videos (and their music), violence, alcohol, killing, fast cars, fake tits, money, Michael Bay movies, and shellfish. To top it all off, you probably don't even have an internet connection to watch any of these things.

On the other hand, here you have hell for all the sinners, con men, drug addicts, gluttons, adulterers, gamblers, shell fish aficionados and Jersey Shore fans.

Plus I hear it's rather toasty. Can hell really be that bad?

Free Write: The Inception

Anything unstructured goes. Basically, it means that this is the absolute most bullshitting piece of writing I'll ever post because let's face it, when your teachers in elementary school told you to spend five minutes just freewriting, you know they were preparing you on how to bullshit writing.

(See how grammatically incorrect that last sentence was? FREE WRITING baby!)

Translated into proper English, this is the place where goofy things are supposed to happen. Sort of like dreaming but without the images. Like what I imagine blind people do when they fall asleep.

(Yeah I made a blind joke, it shouldn't be too offensive. Besides, it's not like they can braille on a computer screen.)

Somethings I'll feel like writing stuff just because. And these will be my free writes.

How you know you're watching a Micheal Bay Film

Most people by now would know when they're watching a Micheal Bay film. For those who are unfamiliar with his work, I've compiled an easy checklist so that you too, will be able to tell when you are watching a Micheal Bay movie.

American flag waving proudly in either the background or used as an establishing shot in the foreground

A character looks forlornly at the Sunset

A character looks forlornly at the sunrise

Military vehicles

Military Weaponry

Military jargon

Military missiles

token funny black guy

Token funny latino guy

Token funny ethnic stereotype if token funny latino or black guy isn't available

Ill conceived moment of humour

Shouting

homosexual joke, usually done in a way where the main character is mistakenly assumed to be gay, Look to: Bad Boys II and Transformers Dark of the Moon for examples.

Highly saturated colours, often either orange or blue tinged. Usually combined with a sunset or sunrise.

Car chases

Sports cars

Explosions (Duh)

Questionable physics

Polt inaccuracies

Rock music that thinks it's on the edge.

A panning 360 degree shot of our protagonists, usually with the sunset in the background.

Artistic musical dissonance: In other words, a well written and composed orchestral piece played amidst a highly energetic action sequence, used to class up the action.

Helicopter flying to a government destination, usually combined with a shot of the sun in the background.

If your movie has six of these or more, you're watching a Michael Bay Movie. If you have a problem with any of these things being in a movie, well then...



Fuck You. He's Michael Bay.