Reason there's been few updates

It's been a tough month. That's all.

Absolution

I had a fun idea while I was surfing the web doing nothing at all... Write a one sentence story! It's perfect for my awesome skills with concentration, so here goes...

He looked upon this man in seething anger and raised his weapon to strike death into him, his vengeance soon to be sought and served, yet against his every fiber of being, laid down his weapon and walked away, anger relinquished to live without any more regrets.

First Annual Christmas Movie Review(s)?

I'm just saying this for now, but for the month of December, I'm going to review films and scripts (if I can find any) about the Christmas holiday. Of course, just because I said that I'm going to review these Holiday movies doesn't necessarily mean I'll actually get around to review them. At the very least, it'll probably spark a desire to watch a few Christmas movies that I haven't yet seen.

This year the following films are as follows:

Home Alone
Jingle All the Way
A Christmas Story
Elf
The Nightmare Before Christmas
The Santa Clause
*The Yule Log

One thing to note is that I have never ever seen A Christmas story. There have been ample opportunities, such as TBS' annual 24 hour Christmas Story marathon, but I never got around to sitting down and on the couch to watch the film.

And as a special Holiday treat, I'm going to watch one of the most famous experimental films of the holiday season: The Yule Log television program. Expect to see my analysis of this historic film by the end of the year.

*Ok, maybe I'm not that crazy. Maybe I am. Actually, now that I've said it, it seems like I have to actually analyze the annual Yule Log film loop... Ok fine, don't expect anything out of it, but don't be surprised if I actually become crazy enough to review such a thing.

Creative Procrastination

I find it a very strange phenomenon that the only time I feel like writing is when I shouldn't be writing at all. Anytime I have an important homework assignment, or a big paper, or just about any time I have something I need to finish under a time crunch, I feel the most creatively liberated. Maybe it's really just because I'm a lazy asshole who doesn't want to do anything.

Call it what you will, maybe it's a form of creative procrastination. It's a shame that it happens so often that I feel a need to procrastinate when I should be doing something else that needs my attention.

So about that writing...

Admittedly, it's been a while since I last updated the blog... again. Well, schoolwork has been a bitch the last couple of weeks and I have a few papers to finish as the current semester is winding down. I got this very big 25 page paper I have to do for class that I've only completed seven pages for thus far, and I have to write a short essay on an Art museum visit in addition to the take home final that may or may not sum up to seven pages of written material. On top of that, I have to finish a small project of analyzing an oral story for my Myth, Folktales and Symbols class that is due go knows when.

Remember a few weeks ago when I said it was November and I was stuck on page 73 on my script? Yeah, didn't make any goddamn headway whatsoever. It seems that the plan to finish my script by the end of this year is very much a reality. I said I was going to finish it by the end of this year in the hopes that I wouldn't give myself so much time to procrastinate and hopefully finish at least a month or two earlier. But of course, that didn't happen.

I know the content of this blog has been negligently bare the past couple of months, but dammit, I'm not going to abandon this thing. It's better for me to write a few shitty bullshit posts than not write one at all. It's all part of the plan to write regularly even if the blog posts are not up to my own standards (which you can argue has never been a strong point anyways, but fuck off it's my blog buddy...)

Real shit is still better than imaginary gold.

I Can't Smoke Weed: A short joke

It's funny that Prop 19 didn't pass because smoking marijuana, illegal or otherwise, is something I physically can't do since I am asthmatic. Inhaling any type of smoke makes me cough half to death. I'm sure if I smoked an actual joint, I would in fact die from asphyxiation.

So I guess the only time where it's appropriate for me to smoke weed is if I'm laying on my death bed dying from old age and decide I can't take the pain anymore and just light up a joint and take my own life. I guess you could say I want to end life on a high note.

(Canned laughter at my incredibly lame pun)

Blargh! Severe Cut in Writing Due to Writing

Unfortunately, because I'm such a terrible procrastinator, I am way behind on my planned blog posts. I didn't get to finish all of my Halloween themed horror posts nor did I even get to finish my Twilight zone-esque short horror story in a timely fashion (page 1 and counting). Bah. I blame school work and my inability to concentrate. Believe me, if I had it may way, I would not be typing on a computer. It offers far too many distractions to even count and cuts into whatever creative streak I manage to squeeze out. In a perfect world, I'd be typing on a typewriter that uses magic paper that never runs out or cause environmental damage.

Add into the mix that college admissions are around the corner and the fact that I have a twenty-five page paper to write means that my writing schedule, if there's even time for it this month, is severely going to take a hit. Essentially, the reason why I won't be writing as much is because I'll be too busy writing. Ain't that ironic? I guess I was right in my prediction that I wouldn't finish my first script until the end of the year. It's Currently November and I'm still on page 74 of my first script. I've made a snail's pace worth of work in between September and October clocking in approximately ten-ish pages.

And I'm way behind on finishing the entire series of The Wire. I got two more seasons to watch and I'm done with that fantastic television show.

Let The Right One In Review

I realize I am way too late to the party in terms of this swedish film (parties were never really my thing anyways).

When this film was released, I rolled my eyes in disappointment. It seems that every film these days are riding on the coattails of Twilight's financial success, so it was no surprise to me if Let the Right One in turns out to be shit. And the fact that it's about a budding romance between a human and a vampire didn't do things to quell my fears.

But let me tell you, this is what Twilight should be.

Let the Right One in is a story about Oskar. His parents are divorced and we see that for the most part, the only friend he really has at this point is his mother.

At school, he's picked on by this little rascal of a kid who's no bigger than he is, which is sort of sad. But then again, the bully has like two other bigger guys to do his bidding for him. It raises the question though, who in the fuck would listen to this scrawny little bully if you're two times bigger than he is? I don't know, it's been a while since I was part of the playground power structure. Maybe the kid's got a shit-ton of candy at home. I remember back in elementary school where the person with the best snacks made the most friends. Everyone flocked around the kid with the best snacks at recess. It's sorta like a currency. The better and more plentiful your snacks are, the more people hung around you, even if no one gave you the time of day when you were in class.

You got Old Dutch chips? Hey man, you're my best buddy for the day. Bullies picking on you? No worries, just share some of them chips with me and a few of my buds, we got your back. Oh, you got carrot sticks? Shit out of luck. Maybe Oskar should've invested in some really delicious snacks so he could hire some muscle to defend his scrawny ass.

The poor bastard likes to spend most of his days out in the play structure right outside the apartment complex, playing by himself and living out a fantasy where he takes up the courage to stand up to his foes. Basically he's talking to himself. Yeah, he's lonely.

A new tenant, Hakan, moves into an apartment where he lives. He's quiet, middle aged, and the type of guy you don't want little Susy to hang around at all. The first order of business for this guy when he moves in is to board up all the windows in the apartment using cardboard.

While hanging out by himself one cold night, Oskar is visited by a mysterious little girl, no more than 13. She's out and about wearing only the minimal amount of clothing in the form of a long dress shirt in what looks like subzero weather. They have a little chat, Oskar being a little defensive about his playing space. He's cautious about her and Eli tells him that "We cannot be friends". But it's ok though, it seems to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Hakan goes out in the middle of the night and knocks out some poor bastard. He hangs him up, slits the dude's throat and starts to drain his blood into a small tank. But his operation is cut short when a curious doggy comes sniffing around, and not too far behind, the dog's owners. So no blood drain tonight. The guy abandon's ship and leaves the scene of the crime.

Obviously, this Hakan hasn't seen an episode of Dexter. I'm sure that after years of trying to kill people, the guy would've perfected his serial killing skills to know NOT to do any of this stuff out in the open should someone accidentally find him. I mean come the fuck on. So he goes home empty handed and the vampire is getting complacent. No food = bad mood. Eli can't take starving anymore so she goes out one night and lo and behold, one of the tenants from the apartment finds her there. The guy seems concerned about her being out in the cold. Eli takes this opportunity to FEEED... and the guy dies. Unfortunately for her, someone saw the entire incident and Eli, being the bitch that she is, leaves the body buried underneath the snow. Guess who's the poor fellow that has to dispose of this body? Hakan.

As if he doesn't have enough on his plate, he has to figure out Eli's next meal. So Hakan goes on scheming to find someone else to drain blood out. This time he tries going for a teenager.

After Hakan fails at delivering the blood to Eli a second time (again, this guy has got to be one of the most retarded serial killers, he chooses a youth centre to kill a kid in, while there's still people around! My god watch an episode of Dexter, it would've saved your life!!), he pours acid on his own face to avoid being identified by authorities and relinquishes himself as a meal for Eli. Guess who's next in line to be Hakan's replacement?

It looks like Oskar can provide a delicious snack. Albeit deliciously bloody snack suitable only for a vampire. Muscle hired! And she's got superhuman strength. Give this fucker an award for investment!

On a more serious note, what I love about Let the Right One In is the character's emotional journey. Oskar is this lonely kid, no real friends, family's split, constantly bullied at school. In comes Eli, a girl who seems to be the answer to everything he's searching for. An anchor, a friend. Someone who's there for him when he needs it. Of course, it's not without some sacrifice on his part.

It's a dangerous relationship. She's a force of chaos, and he's young and impressionable. And he thinks he finds what he's looking for when he befriends Eli. That's what I love about the movie, it presents a difficult choice for the protagonist. He's bullied and doesn't have any friends until he meets Eli, and Eli

Should he abandon such a toxic friendship and continue being bullied and alone or let the relationship between he and Eli grow that could take him down a dark path?

It's equally heartbreaking to see the relationship between Oskar and Eli grow. We know where the dark road lies ahead for Oskar if he keeps his relation with Eli going. But if he breaks off and rejects her, he loses the closest thing to a friend he has. It's truly a heartbreaking dilemma for young Oskar and it's not something that has an easy answer.

The performances by the child actors is phenomenal. I usually hate watching kids act in films because, let's face it, kids can't fucking act unless their names are Dakota Fanning and Chloe Moretz (who incidentally plays the Eli role in the american remake), so it's a wonder to watch these young actors at play.

When I said this is what Twilight should be, I meant it. This film explores the concept of a vampire/human relationship and the consequences of pursing it.

It's a terrifying film, but not in the "Oh shit" jump scares. It's terrifying because you see this kid descend into a life where he's held as a slave for Eli. The moment he helps Eli feed, he commits his first murder, and it sets the track for the sure cycle that is bound to repeat itself. Like Hakan, Oskar will be doomed to a life of servitude to Eli, whether he knows it or not.

It's terrifying because Oskar will never have a girlfriend in his life and Eli is the closest thing he'll ever get to a fuck buddy. And s(he)'s stuck at that young age of 13. Shit, when you really think about it, this is only a cycle of sexual frustration that promotes pedophilia. We can assume that Oskar has a similar fate to Hakan. Shit, this poor boy's going to grow up, murdering people with the pretense that he MIGHT jump into Eli's trousers if he should be so lucky.

He'll be a sexually repressed man in his fifties who's never fucked anyone and is emotionally stunted by this girl Eli. The only pussy he'll ever have a chance of getting will be Eli, and it's not even a sure thing that Eli is a girl. Poor son of a bitch.

On a side note, if he stuck around school, he could be the Warren Buffet of the playground. He would've had a bright future as an asshole. Using his skills of murder as a way of paying off Eli as his hired muscle. He'll command the respect of his peers, people would bow before him and he'll make a lot of friends (fake friends but it's the same scenario in real life with wealth). Though arguably, if he's going to spend the next 40 years killing people for Eli to feed, you can say he's already made it as an asshole.

8/10

October Theme Month

This is the month of October, the month of crimson, orange leaves, the month where summer fades to the cool of autumn, the month of trick or treats though when you mature enough, are more concerned with looking for tricks (wink wink, nudge nudge eh?) than treats.

So this month's reviews of scripts and films will be in the horror category. And anything else that deals with Halloween goodness. That means even the Patrick Swayze classic, Ghost, qualifies for Halloween review month. Coming up first is my review of the Swedish 2008 film, Let the Right One In. Then we'll use that as a springboard for other horror movies.

A little bit of an update

I know I'm not really really updating the blog as often as I like at the moment. I've sort of hit a hump in my script and I have to juggle reading and studying for some of my classes on top of that. Knowing my talent for procrastination, you can imagine how much I don't really get done in a day and how much gets pushed to the last minute.

I've read the script for Aliens and for The Social Network. Long story short, both good scripts. I'll go into a further analysis in a little while regarding each specific story. Aliens is easier to dissect, but The Social Network, it breaks so many goddamn rules and manages to be a compelling story all while juggling the complex themes of friendship and corporate greed and ambition. I probably won't get to the Social Network review in a while.

Amendment #2 or 3?

I'm changing another bit of a rule of mine. I'm going to read a script a week from now on. Why? Haven't picked up script reading in regularity. I've only done it for reviews on Triggerstreet and reading scripts that interests me, and there's not a whole lot as you can tell.

It's work but it's still lazy enough not to work my ass off.

Plus I need a little bit of inspiration with my writing ever since school started and ever since I looked back at my script and thought to myself "yeah, still not there. This sucks monkey balls." I'm grinding through it at least. I'm not going to abort this son of a bitch. I'm going to complete it. Mark my words one day, it will be complete.

(I should probably stop blogging about writing when I should be writing... Ah, such is life, for what is it without a little hypocrisy?)

Where the fuck is the blogger?

I aint' dead if that's what you're wondering. Apparently school is being a tad bit cruel to me since I have these classes (one of them anyways) that require a bit of reading and a lot of question answering. The kicker here is we have to cite the sources... from the textbook.

Let me repeat this. We read the textbook, we answer questions from the textbook, and we have to cite the evidence in the answers. The source being the textbook. You know how fuckin' redundant that is?

It's like going to a restaurant with your family. You stand there in line at some fast food joint with your two kids and your wife because you just came from a long day at the beach and you don't want to spend any more time and money for a pricey meal. You go up to the cashier while your kids are debating whether they want fries or McNuggets in their happy meals, order a Big Mac, an Angus burger for the wife and two happy meals with apple slices for the kids (cause you're a dick that way). So you take out the wallet and pay the cash to the cashier and stand over at the pick up area.

Suddenly you have this monstrous urge to piss. It feels like trying to contain a fire hydrant, so you turn to your wife and give the receipt to her while you go off for a little tinkle.

Minutes pass because you were holding quite a bit of urine in you and you come back into the place thinking that the family has received the order of food and now you can go sit down and enjoy your 500 calorie heart attack but lo and behold, there your family is, still standing there. Your wife's looking like she's about to pop a blood vessel and your kids are

You go up to the cashier. Speaking calmly, you ask him "Is there a problem?"
"Oh no, here you go."
The guy gives you the food. You stand there, flabbergasted. You confront the cashier about why you family couldn't pick the order up even though they had proof of purchase.

"Sorry sir, paying customers only for the pick up."

"But she has the receipt, we're together as a unit."

"Yeah but we're not sure if that's true though. She could've stolen that from you and made out with a free meal."

"But I GAVE my wife the receipt so she could pick up the order."

"And I'm saying that from my point of view, I don't know that."

"You saw us come in as a unit."

"Yeah. But we're not talking about what I know, we're talking about upholding integrity."

It's probably a long convoluted way for me to illustrate this, hell it probably doesn't make any sense but neither does citing sources to answer textbook questions. We're not even writing a paper, it's just a few questions! It has it's purpose but it's a waste of time.

It's no surprise that one of the fundamental things I hate about academics is citing evidence for your claims. I know that the purpose behind it all, it's to prevent lazy fucks like me from pulling shit out of my ass. But c'mon, if there's anything we can learn about human beings, it's that someone out there is crazy enough to find someway of half assing an academic report. Citing sources, in my view, accomplishes little outside of extremely academic circles. There's always some weirdo out there that truly believes in that crazy idea that you just pulled out of your ass and mark my words, someone did publish that idea in some academic journal.

Even then, citing sources in a homework assignment in which the answers come from the textbook, that's just redundant. It's useless, doesn't accomplish anything in the long run, and nobody cares. Save the source citing for the papers.

Anyways, that's one of my frustrations with one of my classes.

Back to School

So I'm going back to school in a few days. I realized I haven't blogged much nor have I read too many new scripts (amateur or otherwise) in a while. I don't know, but Triggerstreet always leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth whenever I review stories on that site. I guess moderation is key. Not knocking on the writers there but sometimes I feel like no matter how detailed my notes can be, there's always something missing on the execution that probably due to my amateur status, I can't pinpoint on how to fix. I suppose it's one of those things that you have to pick up after you start getting some things written and completed.

But, and this is a BIG BUT (hehe, I said big butt), I have been writing all of summer. Nothing too big but I've been constantly re-working my outline for my script which despite the flaws I see at the moment, feels much more focused and slightly more cinematic than I expected. Again it does have a few kinks that I'm not too happy with but hey, I'm not being such an ass like all those other times. I really can't wait until I actually start scripting the thing cause now, I've got myself a blueprint. It's closing in on 20 pages for my outline and it's more of a very detailed outline with bits of dialogue and shit like that thrown in.

Man, I wish I did this before I did my Vomit Draft back in April. It would've saved me so much time.

So here's a huge lesson, if you're writing an action script, outline, Outline, OUTLINE.

Peace til later peeps.

Gale Force

Back again for another installment of Die hard Week/Month. Today is my review of Die Hard in a Hurricane.

I'm reviewing this script because I'm working on my own Die hard Rip-off, as
evidenced in my viewing of Under Siege and Sudden Death though I should probably look at better films for influence. Eh, it's a little late to the game since all the big Die Hard Rip off pieces were made in the 90's. But hey, first scripts are first scripts and it shouldn't hurt to try and dissect a formula that's been done before. I think it would be a valuable learning experience, plus action is fun and apparently, this script rocks you like a hurricane...

Gale Force was the script that supposedly started the spec sale boom in the 90's. Back in those days, studios were picking up specs left and right and while it was a great time to be a screenwriter, few if any of those projects actually made it to the big screen. This being one of the casualties.

The film follows Willie Peacock, an ex marine who's living his life as the caretaker of the marina, he loves swimming and his scuba gear so in essence, Peacock's kinda like Aquaman except useful and badass. He discovers a bunch of men in scuba suits armed with guns and takes action. Peacock notices that they're trying to over-take the boat but he's not going to have any of that shit. But he can't do much about cause the yacht blows up and people die, and Willie gets caught in the explosion and is left unconscious in the water. He wakes up and is being questioned by two detectives who badger him with questions. Apparently, it's a good idea to try and ruffle the feathers of a guy who's an EX-MARINE. You know, they're very adept at all kinds of things, like eating shit nobody deems digestable, or killing you with a spoon.

He comes home where the president of the marina tells him about a family emergency and that oh yeah, he's fired. So he packs his things and goes to the family emergency which turns out to be a funeral for his grandfather. Turns out, he gets a colder reception from the townsfolk than from his grandpa's dead body.

Peacock stays around because he has a few people he wants to meet and catch up with, namely his old ex who's now married to his brother, Timmy. Of course, things are kinda cool between them and Peacock isn't going to push anything further. Timmy goes out to prepare for the incoming storm.

Now we see the bad guys entering. Their plan for this village is to rob the banks as the hurricane hits, which isn't a big bad thing to do but hey, you get what you can get. I have to admit it's a pretty ingenious idea. Not too evil, but pretty damn ingenious. But you have to wonder though, what kind of bad guys shirk away from violence? It's essentially a hit and run operation, they don't dive headstrong into the shit and muscle their way to the money, but other bad guys cut from the Die hard cloth do a forceful takeover of... something and people DIE because of them. Here, they're like hyenas preying on the already dead, too much of pussies to do any real killing.

So Peacock, naturally won't take any of that shit because not only does he want to prove to the town he ain't all THAT bad, but also because they shot his brother (Not that he knows it at this moment but he will). He grabs his things and proceeds to kick ass.

Did I like it? I can't say that I loved it. For an action movie, this doesn't have the same tension as Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Speed, or Air Force One. It's more a step above Under Siege. I'm not saying it's not good either. I guess I just wasn't involved in Willie Peacock's journey. He's certainly put on the path of redemption but part of the appeal of Die Hard was how it explored character through an action movie. It's certainly easier said than done. Die Hard had a very real inner conflict for John McClane, he wants to save his marriage. Here, Willie wants to save a town because he feels that he owes it to them since he was responsible for the death of a townsman's son.

I guess why I didn't feel very impressed with the script is because I didn't buy into the emotional journey. Perhaps it was fresh when it hit in the 90's but that sort of emotional sympathy has been done to death. Willie doesn't have to go around to kill the bad guys and save the town from being robbed blindly. He doesn't lose much if he doesn't do anything. He doesn't owe the town anything and he's got no love for the town or it's people. It didn't feel very personal. To me, a good action movie thrills with near death experiences for the main character and the goal has to be very personal. But whatever the case is, it still needs to have a character that the audience empathizes with. It may be important to Willie to redeem himself in the eyes of the townsfolk but I felt that the story needed a bigger emotional pull. Tales of redemption have to really hit home in order for it to work, it has to tie into the actions the character takes. It has to factor in. It has to make the main character confront his fears. That's what makes drama. Perhaps it's just me not reading too deeply into the story but it seems that his biggest fear is making the same mistake with alcohol and driving. Not saying this COULDN'T work but unless there's a bit in the story where he's inebriated because the bad guys drugged him and Peacock has to drive a vehicle to get to where the bad guys are while under the influence and people are driving and running around and shit, I don't think it's a fear worth having, though more savvy readers may have a better idea what TRULY scares Peacock.

Let's look at one example, Sudden Death or as I like to call it, Die Hard in a hockey stadium. Van Damme quits his job cause a piece of building falls on him and kills a little girl. That path of redemption doesn't do anything to the overall plot because it doesn't make Van Damme confront his fears. It's just backstory that's there to make you sympathize with the character.

But then again it IS a Van Damme movie I'm referring to so characterization can be thrown out the window. You know, forget about it. I guess this script would work a lot better with certain actors behind it. Ask me to read Commando and I'd tell you the story would suck balls, but cast Arnold Schwarzenegger as John Matrix and dammit, I'm tuned in. So it's one of those things you know? Since Stallone was supposedly tapped to play the role of Willie Peacock, it may have worked. Hey it's Rambo in a hurricane!!

I felt that the script takes way too long to get to the action. There aren't any big action scenes until page fifty, and that's after the explosive beginning. It's a drama for forty pages and then it gets into the Die Hard territory with the action and whatnot.

To be honest, I DO like the slower burning action movies (Die Hard, duh) because it does allow for more space in between the action. But you do run into the trouble of keeping the narrative tension when the main character isn't doing something actiony in an action script. For most of Act I and the early parts of Act II, there's nothing driving the story forward, we're instead thrust into this drama about Willie being given a cold reception from everyone in the town. All because he has this bad reputation of being a bad person because he had one bad night, got drunk and killed of the townsmen's kid. It should work but most of the beginning doesn't do enough for it. He shows that he's sorry, feels bad about his actions, but none of that drives any of his actions until the pirates attack. It seems more of a footnote in Peacock's life that makes you sympathize with him.

Conversely, when you have an action movie that never stops, you run into the trouble of making the action bigger and better and if you think writing a decent action sequence is hard, try writing twelve of them that will successively up the tension.

Now, Gale Force is a well written script, no doubt. But the end result, I would've liked it more if there was a better emotional journey behind it. Like maybe he has a hard time readjusting to normal life after the marines and everyone thinks he's this crazy guy but he just really wants someone to talk to once in a while instead of being shunned and isolated from the community. He turns to alcohol as a way to escape that led to his one bad night and accidentally killed a kid.

Or he's a marine who must combat his fear of water after a freak accident with the marines that led to his discharge and has to confront his fears in order to save the town and get his mojo back. Eh, just an idea, I'm allowed to have one once in a while.

I did like how they didn't shoe-horn a romance into the plot. Willie's and Rye's relationship doesn't get rekindled, they had their time together and now they are apart. I liked how Timmy didn't die in order to make way for Willie to come in and save the day AND get the girl. It could've gone to a cliche'd territory but it doesn't and for that, I'm thankful for it.

Though I'm sure I might like it more if Van Damme, Schwarzenegger, or Seagal was behind the script as the acting talent but honestly, even though Stallone is a good idea to take the role action hero in this script, he's not over the top fun like Van Damme, Seagal, or Schwarzenegger. I might have enjoyed reading it more.

3/5

Inception Review

I finally went around to watching Inception. Never mind the fact that I always expected to wanting to watch it again, but I think it really is a requirement to watch it more than once, and it really isn't because it leaves you with more questions than answers (though it certainly does just that). So no Die Hard for this post, unless you want to say Inception is Die Hard in a dream (well, that does technically work on some level) but I think that may be pushing things. So yeah, it's a tangent, I will go back to Die Hard week/month after this review.

Inception is Christopher Nolan's first original film since his directorial debut in Following. He supposedly started writing Inception for the past ten years.

The story is about an extractor, Dom Cobb, who is trained in the art of stealing information from people's minds through dreams and is currently on the run from the government, forced to live his life as a fugitive. A wealthy Japanese businessman has contracted him for a job, that if Cobb successfully performs it, he will be rid of the charges against him and finally go back home to see his kids. The job: Inception, to plant an idea in someone's head rather than stealing one, a task that is seemingly an impossibility. But Cobb desperately wants to return home to his children and reluctantly takes the job.

So a film ten years in the making, with a studio essentially given a carte blanche to a filmmaker to direct a film entirely in his and only his vision that surrounds the idea of being able to enter dreams and the subconcious. Wow, can I say what a fucking gamble? It's heady stuff and really an idea that if I were to have pitched to me, I would say to the writer, "you're fucking crazy for even trying to attempt this kind of shit". There are elements working against it. First, it has to be a big budget film, second, it's a rather alien idea. I can't point to too many successful movies that dealt with the idea of entering dreams (One may point out the film Dreamscape starring Dennis Quaid but it's a film I've never seen nor heard of until recently) and it could easily have backfired immensely for the studio. Second, because of the talent involved, it certainly built a lot of hype for the film. Does it deliver?

Now, I have been anticipating this movie ever since I heard of it, mainly due the the pedigree of the artists associated with the film. Dicaprio, Marion Cotilliard, Ellen Page, Joseph Gorden Levitt, Michael Caine, Ken Wattanabe, Cillian Murphy, and the grandaddy of them all, Christopher Nolan.

Everything about the cast was great, Tom Hardy has quickly become one of the new talents that I'll be keeping an eye on. His Eames and Levitt's Arthur are two of the biggest badasses in the film. Leo never fails to turn in a great performance, and really all of the cast is great. Nolan has a great eye of working with great talented actors.

One of the things working against the film is that Inception does one of the big storytelling no no's. Exposition. But to Nolan's credit, it more than just delivering information, it worked because this is something we haven't seen before. The exposition establishes the rules within the dreamscape and it's always interesting to see (and be told) how and why these things happen, and it's for this reason that I think the film manages to get away with all the exposition that it has. We simply are intrigued about how dreams work in this world.

Granted, the emotional journey of Cobb's character has arguably been done to death but it's refreshing to see a new take on the same thing. It doesn't really match the emotional heights of other films this year, but this is a heist movie with a beating heart.

I didn't really understand the criticism that this was an emotionally cold film. I felt that it was quite the contrary, Cobb goes through a lot of emotional turmoil in the film. I mean c'mon, the dude's trying to get back to his kids and dealing with the guilt of his past actions.

But what really blew me away in this movie is how structurally complex everything is yet it never seems to lose its way as a story. As the movie progresses, we go deeper and deeper into these dreams within dreams and each dream state has a different objective that the characters have to accomplish that ties with the general goal of inception. I was amazed at how elegant everything turns out. The complexity hardly becomes an issue and it's truly a beautiful thing to see such a complex idea executed in such a seemingly simple way.

Man is it a mindbending film. Granted there are a few plot holes that I didn't quite understand, but I suppose it's one of those things that could be explained in after a second viewing, perhaps it's a minor detail that was overlooked. But again, to Nolan's credit, those said plot holes didn't detract from the immersing experience. I guess I was too busy getting mindfucked by everything I was seeing. Plot holes tend to come with the territory when we're dealing with films that question reality, so I guess I'm used to that.

I loved the set up for the simultaneous kicks that each level needs performed. I loved how, as we get deeper in each dream, time slows down more, essentially giving the characters more time to perform the inception. I love how, despite this can be a potential tension killer, the wrong things happen in the wrong time that forces the characters to perform their job as quickly as possible, and even though each dream within a dream gives them more time, the film never loses that tension that time IS running out. It's contradictory and I love it.

It's amazing that Nolan managed to make such a complex set-up feel so effortless and simple. And it sets up one of my favourite sequences in the film:

ZERO G Fighting!! That was one hell of a sequence, I couldn't believe that such a crazy thing would've been attempted.

And despite the fact that the film has one of those "open endings", it doesn't feel like it betrays the audience like it often does because it fits within the confines of Inception's theme's about dreams and reality. No matter what you choose to interpret, Cobb's emotional journey has found its end. And it's because of this open ending that the film gains another level of complexity, it forces you to pay attention and draw your own conclusions, and the film is brilliant in this regard because every frame of the movie gives you more to think about. It manages to walk the fine line in being ambiguous without feeling like a cheat.

Films like Inception come along once in a while, perhaps once a year, sometimes less. But a film that fires on all cylinders and actually lives up to the hype, and one that doesn't betray the audience, one that is a smart and thrilling roller coaster ride, they come around once in a film generation.

9.5/10

Sudden Death

So this is part two of my Van Damme/Seagal film watching. I think this is going to double as Die Hard on an X week/month where I'm going to review either a Die Hard Knock-off film or script. So here it is, Jean Claude Van Damme's Die Hard.

Sudden Death is Jean Claude Van Damme's answer to Steven Seagal's answer to Die hard. This time, it's Die Hard... in a Hockey Stadium!! During the Stanley Cup finals!!! And it's set in... not Toronto?!

Sorry but it lost me at Pittsburgh. If you're going to launch a terrorist attack targeting a politician in order to embezzle several millions of dollars out of the government, you'd do better holding Wayne Gretzky hostage in Canada and threaten to cut off his legs while you laugh maniacally and burn the Oiler's Jersey and piss over the ashes. Seriously, just target Canada and its love for hockey and you'll make out with a cool sum. That's mistake number one in the terrorists plan.

The second? Toronto's fan base is huge and the stadium is located in a large metropolitan area. Easily the place to target if you're going to be stupid and decide to hold a hockey stadium hostage for ransom. Even when the Toronto Maple Leafs suck (read: haven't won ONE Stanley Cup in over thirty years) the seats regularly sell out in the regular season and are high in demand on the rare occasion they make it to the playoffs, and add the fact that they are THE MOST lucrative and profitable hockey team in the entire NHL. Plus, most people hate the rabid fan base of the Maple Leafs, really you get two birds in one stone. Think about it, you hold the stadium hostage and ask every Maple Leafs fan in the stadium to pull out their wallets and give them all their money or else you'll shoot the team. The fans, desperate to not see their heroes die, would readily listen.

Call parliament and tell them you've got the stadium held hostage and ask for Ransom money, not that this is important now, you win either way, you already got the cash. Squeezing a little more out wouldn't hurt if you could.

Naturally, the country, and the government would be up in arms over what to do. Save a hockey team (Maple Leafs fans in parliament would vote for this of course) or let die one of the most hated team and fan bases in all of Canada? The civil war that's going to develop between Maple Leafs fans and non Maple Leafs fans in Canada over whether to save the team and stadium would serve as the most genius scapegoat that Power Boothe's bad guy could conjure up. He could easily escape without anyone noticing in the resulting frenzy, complete and utter anarchy. Whether or not you get the money from the government becomes a non-issue you leave a country fighting amongst themselves.

But since this is hollywood, and genius evil is never really explored unless they're doing a study on retarded genius, (Dr. Evil anyone) this won't happen.

Assuming you were stupid enough to hold a hockey stadium hostage in a country where the sports fan base is less than that of Baseball, or Football, or Golf, or Basketball, or Soccer, or Nascar, or Bowling, or Fly Fishing, or Painting, and you were stupid enough to target a mid size Hockey Market, where fans only came out with the name of Lemieux, and to a lesser extent today, Crosby, where on an off season and no star power, the fans would barely fill a third of the stadium, and assuming that the authorities would actually take your threats towards killing the Vice president seriously (remember, he's only the co-commander in chief, he's only good for sound bites and the occasional accidentally being stupid by saying the stupid thing, like Biden, or doing the retarded thing like shooting someone in the face during a duck hunt like Cheney), wait stop, you know what? By this time, it's a fucking miracle how you were able to organize your own closet let alone such an intricately ridiculous plan. I mean really? Come the fuck on...

Amazingly due to Hollywood magic, the plan goes off without a hitch. I guess Hollywood magic only works on things that are only "So stupid it passes through the line of retardation and crosses through to the genius level that it has to work".

Assuming all those things that were working against you did not in fact, work against you, you still had to go through one more obstacle: Jean Claude Van Damme.

In case you haven't figured out the plot, Sudden Death is about Jean Claude Van Damme, or rather his character, Darren McCord trapped in a hockey stadium during the Stanley Cup finals with the Pittsburgh Penguins against the Chicago Blackhawks. Powers Boothe plays a bad guy trying to extort the government out of millions, possibly billions of dollars.

The film begins in a burning house with Darren McCord trapped under some burning rubble. Evidently, it's perfectly acceptable for a fireman to go solo into a burning building to do some fire fighting. The building starts to crumble and Van Damme is trapped and has a little girl under his arms. He shouts for some back-up but before anyone comes, part of the basement collapses. Van Damme shields the little girl with his body but it's no use.

Apparently, Jean Claude Van Damme can pass through walls and falling pieces of building because he survives but the little girl he protects from under neath him doesn't. Van Damme is a superman of sorts, and the brilliant scene gives us all we need to know about his character, nothing can fucking kill him.

Cut to the present day where we learn that Van Damme no longer wears the firemen's uniform and instead works as a firemarshall for the civic stadium or for Penguin fans, The Mellon Arena. Ever since the incident, Van Damme hasn't been able to do proper firefighting work. Presumably this establishes a subplot of sorts that Van Damme's character has to go through and confront his fears later in the movie.

So, Van Damme, or McCord, decides to bring his kids to the Stanly Cup finals game but his ex-wife doesn't like it. She says something along the lines of "you can't keep doing this" as ex-wives are prone to do in movies where the protagonist is separated from his significant other and wants to see his kids. But I digress. Obviously, he gets to bring his kids because there wouldn't be an action movie without some form of child endangerment.

Now here's where Van Damme and Seagal diverge in terms of action ass kicking. Seagal is a deadly hand to hand combatant. If he kills, it's not with a gun, it's with his bare hands. Van Damme is a deadly gymnast. He kicks and twirls, and literally kicks your ass to death, and he finishes with a flourish that highlights his acrobatic skills.

If you thought Seagal's film were ridiculous, I think Van Damme's bring ridiculous to a whole new level. He fights a woman in penguin suit, let that seep in for a moment,

"Apparently I'm deadly"

Ok, and he kills said assailant with a washing machine, kills some dude with a bad mullet by frying his hands and some other shit, disarms bombs, has a vast amount of knowledge regarding architecture, makes a flamethrower out of a squirt gun and a bit of liquid from a lighter, Magyveres a bomb, and knows how to send a game into Sudden Death Overtime by making a key save for the Penguins. Yes, you heard that right, Jean Claude Van Damme not only saves the day, but he saves a goal... in full goalie uniform.

Not impressed? Look at it this way. In professional hockey, we have skaters going at a top speed of over 20 miles an hour, easily. Now, most hockey players aren't really skinny guys, save for the exception of Wayne Gretzky, and most weigh in around 180 - 200 lbs. and never mind the fact that most stand at an average of 6 ft tall. Add in the fact that they shoot a heavy piece of plastic otherwise known as a hockey puck which, if memory serves correctly weighs somewhere between half a pound to two pounds (I may be exaggerating), and that the puck travels at an average of 90 miles an hour when shot, we're looking at a fucking miracle that an amateur goalie such as Jean Claude Van Damme could even have a snail's chance of saving the puck. But then again, we got the whole superman thing with the fire, so I guess anything is possible.

Oh, the movie even has it's own Die Hard Knock off moment when Jean Claude Van Damme jumps off the Mellon, I mean, Civic Centre and does some stunt with a rope.

And hey, looky what we have here, it's Luc Robitaille of the Pittsburgh Penguins making a guest appearance.

Wait, what about that backstory about Van Damme's inability to firefight and all that shit that supposedly scarred him for life? Yeah, has nothing to do with the plot. Just unnecessary backstory, which makes you wonder how much money they spent to film a burning house only to have it mean nothing to the overall plot. Whatever, I think it made it's money back overseas or something.

So how is the film? Well as action films go, it ain't bad. It's certainly more tense than Under Siege due to the aforementioned child endangerment thing, cause you know, if you want an audience to care about your character's goals, it would never hurt to put kids in the line of fire. But this is countered by the fucking ridiculous plot to overtake a hockey stadium. Powers Boothe makes a pretty good bad guy, he just chews the scenery in every second he's in the film, and even though Van Damme doesn't kick as much ass as Seagal, he's a much more sympathetic action hero because he cares about rescuing his kids, or at least he doesn't want to fuck up what little family he already has and die a lonely bitter man. I don't know, either one works really.

And the last act certainly takes the action notch up to 11. Van Damme scales the top of the Mellon Arena and drops down to the arena where he swings on the big lights, throws his magyvered bomb and drops into the executive box where the Vice President is being held. He kills like 5 bad guys doing this and manages to rescue his daughter. Actually, this last act runs around in a huge circle because we somehow wind up back on top of the arena where Jean Claude Van Damme has to rescue his daughter (again) while Power Boothe tries to escape via helicopter but not without trying to Kill Van Damme's daughter. Of course, bad guys don't win in these movies so I think I'm not spoiling anything when I say he dies. I think exploding/crashing helicopters are a staple in Die Hard knock offs, or perhaps it's really a pissing contest between Van Damme and Seagal over who does the most damage to helicopters in their own Die Hard knock off movies.

It's ridiculous fun though and probably because Jean Claude Van Damme has kids he has to save, as well as an ass kicking last act, puts this film slightly above Under Siege. I enjoyed it.

7.1/10

Plus Darren McCord is a Canadian so extra props there...

You know, I'm beginning to think this whole pissing contest thing between Seagal and Van Damme isn't made up.

Under Siege

Since I reviewed the Van Damme vs Seagal script, I felt it was only fair that I watched a couple of their movies. I started doing the Steven Seagal course of Seagalogy, where I would watch each and every one of Steven Seagal's movies but alas, I could not handle the sheer badassery of Steven Seagal. My brain can not cram in a Seagal movie every night and thus has been put on hold until further recovery.

Under Siege is Steven Seagal's answer to Die Hard, this is Die Hard on a Boat!! Not that one, the other one, you know the battle ship not the cruise liner. We'll get to that one another day.

Under Siege is about a cook named Casey Ryback. Steven Seagal plays a cook because he presumably would kick everyone's ass in whatever war America's going to be in and is deemed too powerful a weapon to use. Because of this, he cooks for the crew in the ship instead (his skills with a knife are only paralleled by his delicate taste in food). Seagal butts heads with Gary Busey who's his commanding officer or some shit and after more shit happens that piss off Busey, Busey orders his men to lock Seagal down in the freezer.

Tommy Lee Jones plays a loose canon former C.I.A. agent who seizes control of the battleship and is in league with Gary Busy, who plays his usual crazy as hell sonuvabitch character, except this time, he does it in drag! Ok, it's only for a small scene or two but damn was it crazy. Tommy Lee Jones' team infiltrates the battleship under the guise of being a band hired for the birthday celebrations of their captain. Busey remembers that Seagal is locked in a freezer and sends some of his men to take care of them. Little do they know, Seagal is going to take care of those guys, only not with food.

Once those mooks go down to the chamber, Steven Seagal unleashes a can of whoop-ass. They just opened a pandora's box... OF PAIN!!!

We next get a stripper pop up from a birthday cake, played by Erika Eleniak, in full tittied glory.

Other side of this image is NSFW

Somehow, I think I remember watching that scene when I was a little kid... Wha? It's my uncle's fault... Anyways, she starts crying like women are prone to do in action movies when they see dead bodies but she's not your usual female character in the action movie. She agrees to help Seagal save the fucking day.

So Tommy Lee Jones plans on taking the nuclear warheads in the battleship and selling it off to some foreign country and making a nice amount of cash. But Seagal's not having any of that shit. American things stay in America. And those warheads are American.

Next, we see Seagal really fucking up everyone's plans; he explodes a microwave that killed/wounded some of Tommy Lee Jones' men, he explodes a helicopter, he explodes a submarine, and he explodes some more shit because not only is he a kick-ass marine, he's also an explosives expert. This information is brilliantly given to us through people telling us about it, I think they call it exposition. When he saves the day, he even explodes the NUCLEAR WARHEAD that had it's target aimed at Hawaii.

In more seriousness, Under Siege is a rather serviceable Die Hard Knock-off, it even gets it's own Die Hard knock-off moment when Seagal explodes a helicopter and jumps off the boat with only a piece of rope (or something to that equivelent on a battle ship, I guess military rope?) like John McClane with the fire hose. The only thing that the film suffers from is an invincible army of one in Steven Seagal. He gets by the story without so much as breaking a sweat and gets to look badass doing it. It's because of this that the film never feels tense, we don't have to wonder what happens next, we KNOW what's going to happen next, Steven Seagal chopping down another bad guy and saving the goddamn day.

But damn if it isn't good to see Seagal kick ass and take names. Probably one of the other highlights of the film is Erika Eleniak kicking ass. I don't know, but there's something sexy about a chick taking action into her own hands and taking names with the main character. Plus, women don't get to kick enough ass in movies nowadays, not unless your name ends in Jolie and rhymes with Brangelina.

I know, my condescending voice makes it sound like I hated this movie, but no, I found it to be a fun distraction. It doesn't do much for the action genre but hey, chicks with guns and Steven Seagal, a crazy Gary Busey, and an even crazier Tommy Lee Jones. What's not to love?

7/10

Plus I learned on wikipedia that Casey Ryback is a Canadian, so extra props there.

Not gone...

I'm in the middle of a big re-write, and technically speaking, it's more like I'm starting out on a new story since the first draft was such a mess. I've learned a lesson, don't go anywhere without an outline. And really figure out your character and his/her flaws before writing one line of dialogue in the script.

It'll save you the trouble.

Hopefully I'll get to my Inception review soon, somewhere in the next two weeks, depending on when my friends decide to go see it. Fuck it, I won't wait for their asses if they take too long.

*Sigh

Is there a more pathetic thing than watching a movie alone in a theatre?

Predators Script Review

This is an extremely early draft for a predators sequel, because the main character in this piece is Dutch and not Adrien Brody. Yes, THAT Dutch. Ahnuld the governator, Dutch.

The story begins on a boat. We get this kickass introduction where these invisible beings board a ship. People die and Dutch, in his long scraggly hair (I imagined Arnie in his Conan The Barbarian days for this image) tries to jump ship.

Dutch gets surrounded, and more of these invisible beings reveal themselves. It can only mean one thing, ooohh shhitti--

But no, they aren't Predators, they're people, in Predator's armour!! Huh? Seriously what the hell is going on here? Nevermind that, they capture Dutch. Of course, with the advance weaponry, there's no way in hell Dutch is going to try to escape, at least not now. So he complies and goes along for the ride.

Soon, we learn that these people are on some snatch and grab mission. Dutch is apparently a wanted fugitive of sorts, and being the badass that he is, he ain't going to be taken away too easily. After they bring him into the ship and shed all that cool tech, he makes a desperate run to escape the ship falling soo short of actually accomplishing the feat. Of course he fails and they go on a trip to drop Dutch off on some planet for prisoners.

So the team goes off onto the planet to drop off Dutch and collect their pay. Easy, drop and run operation.

There couldn't be any complications, right?


"Wrong".

As you can expect, things go to shit as they try to escort Dutch to the prison complex. Predators reveal themselves, the team gets captured and Dutch runs away. The humans wake up inside a Predator camp, locked in a cage. Something tells me they aren't going to eat smores and sing Kumbaya around the campfire.

Moving around the camp, we see other Alien life forms in the cages. We get this weird cockroach like bug alien, and a praying mantis like thing among others.

If anything, this is more of an Aliens/Predators hybrid if you can call it that. The world in the original Predators had modern day technology and didn't have any of the cool sci fi things that this world has. This draft feels like it's bridging the gap between the cool sci-fi marines of Aliens to the universe of the Predators.

One of the problems I had with the script is that there's no Dutch for a lot of the story. The humans get kidnapped, Dutch escapes and he's not seen again until one of the transport team escapes the Predator camp (one of the last survivors). But to Rodriguez's credit, we're given an intimate glimpse into the rituals and lives of these Alien Warriors.

Another thing going against the script is that it feature a lot of characters. And I mean a lot. And they're basically all for the sake of Predator fodder. It does get a little difficult at times keeping track of who's who in the group because they all talk in this hyper masculine voice (even the woman in the group talks like a guy with the appetite of a sexual Tyrannosaurus). And it's pretty indicative of a script thin on an actual story. Most of the second act is watching the guys trying to escape only to be met with an untimely end.

All things considered though, Rodriguez does try to make each character shine in their own way. For example, Cadillac's character quirk is his insatiable appetite, he munches on any kind of shit he can find cause space food sucks ass, Hardwick's the woman in the group, not unlike Vasquez of Aliens and that should tell you all about her. And the rest... not so memorable save for their unique names. It's definitely a loaded cast to keep track of but it luckily rips a page from Aliens and we find that most of the cast dies (Duh, how else are you going to show how dangerous these Predators are?) so we don't have to keep track of all of these characters at once.

Plus, a lot of the team dies in very VERY gruesome ways. Dutch goes back to "save" some of the prisoners in the camp but only to so that he could find someone to help him pilot the ship. I thought it would be interesting to have Dutch camp around to survey the environment and cut back and forth between his reconnaissance of the area and the captured humans. But instead we're treated with a very gory middle section that shows the cage matches of the various other species trying to fight each other for the Predator's enjoyment. It gets kinda slow and repetitive in the middle because of this. We keep thinking that it's a story that is more about Dutch but he doesn't get his chance to shine and kick ass until much later.

So about the humans wearing Predator armour? What's up with that? Apparently, the humans on Earth have traded off their soldiers to the predators in exchange for military weapons, not because the governments of the world are a bunch of douches (thought they are), but for self preservation. Supply the humans and avoid extinction. The script does touch on a complex issue that seriously surprised me. How far are you willing to go to preserve the human race? Are the lives of a few soldiers meaningless to the survival of billions?

We also get an answer for why Arnold survived his encounter with the Predator. Turns out that one he met on Earth was just a pussy. Yeah, Arnie barely made it out alive fighting the pussies of the race. Guess it gives new context to this picture...



Hardened motherfuckers they are...

I found myself enjoying the script. Sure, characterization is pretty much thrown out the window for the most part, but I think it's acceptable in these scripts and the kills can be pretty gruesome. You have to give the guy credit though for finding many ways of cruelly killing off the humans. NOBODY gets off easy when they die.

Rodriguez has a certain talent for Macho-talk that at times, I found myself thinking "This really is the true sequel to Predator". C'mon, the original film is full of quote-ables. "Ain't got no time to Bleed", "If it bleeds, we can kill it", "This'll make you a sexual Tyrannosaurus", etc...

And of course, it isn't an Arnie script unless he's got a cheezy one liner, yep he has that too in this script. Dutch latches on to the ship as it flies away to escape, his legs get caught by the King Predator, Dutch gets his gun on him and says (in my imagined Arnold accent) "Fairwehl to Da King" and blasts his ass to Kingdom Come (couldn't help myself). Hehe, Classic Arnie.

Love it or hate it, bits of the script felt too much like Aliens. Instead of Space Marines, we get these... Space Marines with Predator technology. It felt more of a hybrid between Aliens and Predator and not necessarily an Alien vs Predator story. The macho talk from the original added with the cockiness and cool tech from what feels like James Cameron's Space Marines from aliens. Of course, it's not going to get more blatant than this line on pg 84

"this is the closest thing we'll see to an Alien vs Predator movie"

In all of the scripts that I've read over the past months (a year now actually...) I've come across a few that I've legitimately enjoyed enough to forget about the script's problems (Van Damme vs. Seagal anyone?). This is entertaining, and it reads like a movie. How many scripts have you read that are fun? Not too many from what I've come across in my time reading them, either I got bad taste in choosing scripts or script reading just isn't my thing.

One of the things I feel that gets lost for many writers when writing a script is having fun with an idea. It's scriptwriting, and many of your favourite films aren't going to be Casablanca or Citizen Kane, it's going to be some movie you have fun watching time and time again despite it's silliness. So don't try to be important when you write. Have fun and remember the lost days of when you were a kid playing with your action figures. It's kinda like the same thing except... you know with words. And lots of sitting on your ass.

There's no doubt that Rodriguez understands fun whenever he steps behind a camera. Just look at his films, Spy Kids, Planet Terror, the upcoming Machete, and Sin City plus some more of his films that I haven't seen yet such as El Mariachi. They don't try to be more than what they are on celluloid and I like that about his films.

I enjoyed this script, it was a fun romp.

4/5

Vocabulary of the Day:

Clandestine:

to hide, to secretly conduct. Hidden.

KGB operates in clandestine operations.

Yeah, I got lazy with the sentance. Why KGB? because I just finished watching Deadliest Warrior on SpikeTV where they paired up an I.R.A. against a Russian Spetznaz. C'mon like that's a fucking contest? Russians pwn everyone in everything, they fight for Mother Russia and are hardcore motherfuckers of hardcore motherfuckers.

Just listen to their anthem



Hell I'd give my life for mother Russia after listening to that Anthem. That my friends is why Russia won at almost everything they did back in their golden days.

Toy Story 3 Review

Toy Story remains one of those magical stories that a young immediately child understands. Toys are a special thing in our lives. They provided hours of endless fun and sparked my imagination. Toy Story is such a genius idea because of that special relationship each one of us had with our toys when we were young.

They were the actors in my little make believe world, often time switching between the good guys and bad guys to fulfill a role for a toy I didn't have. Growing up with a lot of television programs that weren't of the Saturday morning variety meant that when the afternoon hits, I had little to do besides watching television. Often times, I'd pick up my Optimus Primal action figure and replay episodes of Beasties or start to come up with new adventures for my toys to go on. It's a rinse/repeat strategy that really worked for me, buy the action figures, re-enact the episodes and once you're bored with that, make up a new one.

Something about the toys that I had made me treat them like they were real beings. Call it an overactive imagination of a small child, toys were my best friends for a large part of my young life. The idea that Toys had a life of their own was not a distant idea for my young counterpart. The toys I had were in many ways, real to me. They were more than just toys, they were friends.

Now, almost 15 years since the first Toy Story came out, Pixar releases yet another Toy Story. Considering Hollywood's track record with the third film in any film franchise (T3, Alien Ressurection, Episode VI, and the much maligned Spider-man 3 which I actually liked), Pixar has a lot of live up to.

The story takes place eleven years after the second film, Andy's grown up and is about to go to college. The toys have been feeling a little bit neglected by their favourite owner. They haven't been played in years and the closest thing to interaction they have is an elaborate scheme to call Andy's cellphone to just hear his voice. After Andy's mom gives him an ultimatum to either put the toys in the attic or donate them, Andy takes out the garbage bad and stuffs his old toys in it but decides to keep his favourite, Woody. The toys of course believe that they're being thrown away but are actually being put in the attic.

Figuring out that they're being trashed, the toys decide that that the next best thing is to be donated to a Daycare. Woody, being the patriarch of the group and being the only one who knows the truth about Andy's intentions, tries to convince the rest of the gang that they weren't being thrown away, but in the process, ends up being transported to the Day Care himself. Once there, the toys discover that Sunnyside Day care is everything they wanted and more, once kids grow up, a new batch comes in and they always get new kids to play.

The toys deal with issues of abandonment but Woody, being the loyal toy that he is, refuses to believe there is any life outside of being Andy's toys. The film explores many themes of growing up, it's truly a film that everyone can appreciate.

What can I say about this film? It's pitch perfect. There's emotional resonance, it studies the pain of growing apart, growing up and finding a new life as you leave the old one behind. The characters knew that the day was coming when their owner out grows them, they accepted that fact in the second movie. But now, eleven years later, things turned out to be different. Perhaps they're not as prepared as they thought they were.

Now I did feel that the story does retread some of the same old ground that the previous films did, such as buzz being crazy as well as the idea of being trapped in a place they didn't want to be in and have to escape to reach back to Andy. I also felt that the film at times were too loaded with too many characters, we don't spend ample time with each of the side characters to get a true sense of who they are (though I only say this because I wanted to see more of them, didn't want the film to end). Ken is an instant favourite new addition to the Toy Story family and he is hilariously voiced by Micheal Keaton.

What Pixar does so well with every movie that they make is that they're fearless storytellers. Unlike many of Hollywood's studios, Pixar spends a huge amount of time concentrating on the story and the characters before moving into the productions. Story comes first and time and time again, they have come out on top and have consistently become one of Hollywood's most critically and commercially successful studios.

It's a film about growing up and letting go of the days of youth, it's about realizing that you can't hold on to those things that you hold dear to your heart, and that a part of growing up is the painful acknowledgement of moving one.

And now, I finally have the honour to say that Pixar has the dubious honur of producing the second film in which I have cried.

5/5
*****

Van Damme vs Segal Script Review

While I consider myself a fan of the action movie genre, I admittedly have not watched many of Van Damme or Seagal's movies, well, not the good ones anyways (I was always more of an Arnold guy). My exposure to Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme stems from late nights of procrastinating at UC Davis lamenting why I was there while watching one of their direct to DVD features on USA, hiding the fact I was watching this shit from my sleeping roommate (How I wasn't watching porno instead is anyone's guess, cause you know, it's a normal guy thing to do. Me, I was watching some big chubby dude with a ponytail chopping bad guys down while wearing a Kimono).

This isn't to say I don't appreciate what these guys have done in their careers. They, along with Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone singlehandedly became the faces of hardcore badass action. The 80's were the era of hyper-masculinity, The men's men. The men women all wanted to sleep with but didn't want to because they were too busy shooting things and making stuff go BOOM. After a life of killing bad guys, having gratuitous sex just doesn't seem to cut it anymore and the only way of living is killing more bad guys and having a one on one fight with some Freddy Mercury wannabe in a Chainmail vest(Check Commando), at least that's how I imagine being an action hero.

So when I heard about Van Damme vs Seagal last year, I knew that it had to be a must read. While I'm unfamiliar with the films of said subjects, Seagal and Van Damme are those kinds of figures that make their way into the social consciousness. Even if you never saw their movies, you knew who they were, and you knew how they acted. Nothing about these guys ever changed throughout the years, they acted the same in real life like they do in the movies (well, one could argue there's not much acting going on in the first place, but you don't watch an action film for the acting, you watch it for the guns and explosions and cheesy one liners).

In the beginning of the script, we see a ninja spy figure hopping around the rooftops in the moonlight and breaking into Steven Seagal's house. We assume that he's on some operation that involves an action sequence but no, he's only on recon. The ninja takes what information he has and relays it back to... Jean Claude Van Damme. Apparently, their rivalry with each other has turned into a "anything you can do I can do better" pissing contest. So when Jean Claude discovers Seagal is writing an autobiography, then he concludes that he has to have one as well.

In comes Dave. He's a struggling writer who has just finished his passion project about a a foreign feminist that no one except him gives a crap about. Of course it doesn't sell well, and because he's short on cash to help a bunch of orphans, he reluctantly takes another job as Jean Claude Van Damme's autobiographer. It's through Dave that we are introduced to the wonderful world of Jean Claude Van Damme.

So we basically get a script that for 60 or so pages, engulfs us into the bizarre rivalry between Van Damme and Seagal. Dave is a passive character for most of the story and isn't much of a player in any of the events. The last act is when things really pick up, as the script turns from a comedy about Van Damme and Seagal into a full on spoof of Van Damme and Seagal movies. The action scenes are nothing too spectacular but there are some hilarious moments in the script that I would pay to see really happen between Van Damme and Seagal.

Really, the main character of Dave is rather inconsequential. He's basically our vehicle into the world of Van Damme and Seagal. Dave isn't the most compelling character to follow but we're not here for Dave, we're here to see Van Damme and Seagal in all their hilarity! We see how absurd this entire rivalry is, everything that could be made into a competition becomes a competition between them and it's fun to see how the stupid things these characters of the actors we love can be. Mirror on a stick anyone? (Read the script)

This has a direct to DVD feel to it. The script isn't calling for a huge budget because it's not a story with intense action (though there are some action scenes). It's a lampoon on two of the biggest action stars whose stars have faded long ago. The script doesn't take too many risks but damned if I didn't enjoy it. And it does teach you an important lesson in screenwriting, make it fun! Would they actually set out to make this movie? Chances are, no, their egos are too inflated to do such a movie. Alas the only Van Damme and Seagal movie that exists hovers between "never" and "going to happen". But one could dream.

3.5/5

Oh triggerstreet how I loathe your scripts...

I think that I deserve to rant a little about the quality of scripts that I come across on the screenwriting community website known as Triggerstreet.com. For a little bit of back story about the site, it was originally founded by Kevin Spacey and some other dude to provide a community for aspiring writers to share their stories and offer feedback to one another, though at this time, I feel it mostly serves as a place where actors like Kevin Spacey sit in their five million dollar mansion laughing maniacally while reading the multitudes of bad scripts like it was some kind fucked up experiment to weed out writers and laugh at their half ass attempts to write a story.

You see, I've been lurking around the website for a while, my profile tells me that I joined sometime in March of last year so I guess I'll believe what my profile says. I've reviewed about thirteen scripts. Figure about 1 script a month on the website. None of which I can say honestly say is anything close to being good. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "13 scripts? Muthafucka, that ain't nothing to shit your pants about. Read more before bitching about it you jizz cake".

I would agree with you, but unlike most of the reviewers on that sight looking to earn enough credits to upload a script to have other people review their shit, I actually like giving some time and thought into doing my reviews. It's a great learning process for me. Considering the quality of the scripts I DO read, it's better to read them in small doses. Like a script per month or if I really don't feel like it, only do one when I have "free time", (it fills up quite quickly in between playing video games, reading about writing, thinking about writing and all around dicking on the internet).

Now, I'm not saying that I'm any good at doing it, but considering the minimum requirement for a review consists of nothing more than a slightly longer version of what a paragraph should be, (Highschool taught me a regular paragraph is a topic sentence, three sentences for evidence and a concluding sentence, doing the math, 5 sentences for a paragraph, just imagine a few more sentences and you get the minimum requirement), I think I go above and beyond what normal reviewers go for.

I guess what pisses me off is when I encounter a script that's so messy, it's beyond comprehension. I have to give a review that offers constructive criticism that's going to give you some (hopefully) helpful points to make it better, it's suppose to help ignite a few questions in your head on how to make the story better. But dammit don't submit a script on the site where most of the problems are going to be alleviated by a quick visit to a few writing blogs and screenwriting forums. Hell, I got some links on my blog, Go Into The Story, MSP, even Scriptshadow, use these website, or better yet, lurk around the forums and learn a thing or two before submitting that script about some sci-fi adventure with aliens and the devil while the main character's juggling with sexual problems. I hate it when I get assigned a script where the writer seems to have submitted a vomit draft. Luckily, because I only have reviewed 13 scripts on the site, I've only encountered two truly big piles of a mess. But those scripts piss me off to no extent. It prevents me from doing what I'm supposed to do, give feedback. I don't feel that I can give proper feedback if a script is all over the place, I can't zero in on what the author is trying to say, what themes strike them as the most important, what direction they want to take their characters, plot points, escalating conflicts, ticking time bombs, making sure that your character is the architect of his/her success as well as failures; there's a whole laundry list of things I try to look out for in trying to give a proper review because those are the things I try to put in my scripts.

Here's the crux of what I believe, it's fucking hard to write something good. People may hear the success stories of Tarantino or Shane Black who managed to knock one out of the park on their first try. So you figure, hell I'll finish my first draft and hope for the best, you never know what can happen. Guess what? Chances are you ain't gonna be the next Tarantino. So strap your ass down, write something comprehensible, and maybe I won't be such a whiny ass bitch about reading the scripts.

In essence, fellow aspiring scribes, help me help you. If you're going to half ass a script and post it up for a review by someone like me who actually gives a damn and doesn't half ass a review just to get my credits so some other poor bastard gets to read my piece, please, leave it on your computer and reread it in a couple weeks, hell maybe even a couple months later. Edit it yourself and try to understand your own story. Save me the hassle of trying to decipher what you're trying to tell me in the story. It's not going to help you if I keep pointing out inconsistencies in plot and character motivations. It's a lot of wasted space to comment on those things. But when all the story has is nothing but those elements, I can't do anything too constructive with it.

Now, I'm not blind to the fact that some people NEED some kind of feedback, no matter how much a mess it is. But think about it this way. On Triggerstreet, writers don't have the obligation to spend a few hours reading your script and going over the script and going page by page with a fine comb (I certainly don't, but I think I put in more effort than most reviewers on the site). If it's a mess, you can't expect somebody on the internet willingly going through the tortuous process of trying to give you advice on things you should know while trying to figure out what the story is. Don't be surprised if the review you get is some half ass 100 word review that only gives generalities about what works for them and what doesn't.

Rant over - Seacrest Out

I guess this means I should start doing more reviews of actual scripts. I have a few I've been meaning to write about, but I guess I get lazy. Since this is summer, I should be able to squeeze out a few reviews of Hollywood Scripts.

Coming to a Nightmare near you...

Had one of the more fucked up dreams in a while. I guess this plays into the fears of most little children. How many of you can say that a visit to the dentist's was the worst part of your week? It didn't help any that one of my more painful experiences with the dental office was sitting in the cold leather dental chair while a (what I remembered) team of dentists were pulling out a tooth that was rotting from a cavity. Every time afterwards, I'd get nervous once the appointment comes around, the worst of it in my early adolescence where I'd start getting dry heaves just thinking about getting my teeth examined. Me and dentists don't have a good track record to say the least.

Now on to my nightmare... the dentist. The dude spent a better part of an hour or two fucking with the insides of a poor bastards mouth. He was like a cross between the doctor from Beethoven and Josef Mengele. I remember feeling like Duncan Keith after taking a puck to the face while hearing the horrible screams of his next victim. For some reason, the dream turned into a bit of an action movie and federal agents soon swarmed the building. The good doctor took off blasting through some walls. Some dude went in after him and later came back with a severed head; whether or not this is the doctor in question remains to be solved by my unconscious.

Also in a bit of happier dreams, Olivia Wilde was teaching a math class that I was taking.



Not being the least bit related to the previous one but hey, having Olivia Wilde entering your dreams after dreaming that a doctor was performing horrible experiments with the mouths of many victims is a pretty damn good transition. Could she enter my dreams more often? Talk about fulfilling my fantasy with hot teachers. Now if only that could really happen in real life. I'd have her tutor my pythagorean theroem. Seriously, I suck at math and I need all the help I need.

Kinda lazing around... And a Rant

Haven't posted anything in a while. I blame school. Believe me when I say, I'm going to keep updating the blog at a few times a month. It's just this month has been something else for me. You know how big a procrastinator I am, so it's really no surprise that I've left all the important studying until last minute. I'm working on it guys.

Oh, and there was also a lot to be done in this group communication project that for reasons I can't (or won't I don't defame people so names will not be named) explain, happened to be one of the worst groups I've ever worked in. Fuck it, I'm ranting anyways.

How difficult is it to pull your weight in a project that requires little if any research and only needs your minimal input? What pisses me off is that I volunteered to do most of the work and STILL, I had to help pull the weight of other group members.

Writing the paper for which amounted to about two pages (four double spaced) is about the most work out of the entire project. Not a lot considering I'm DOING it for you. Considering that getting the interviews done, writing said interviews up, doing a budget which at the very least is the most bullshitable job because no one checks the numbers, and doing surveys, writing the paper is the more time consuming job (not claiming the toughest but certainly more time consuming).

Not that I'm saying I got the shit end of the stick, but really, going in and volunteering to do the entire paper, pulling the weight of the entire group because I *knew people weren't going to pull that much weight and STILL having to do some extra shit kinda really makes me pissed off. Seriously, even in high school bad group members at least tried to look knowledgeable in their areas when called upon.

Alright, rant over. In all honesty, it could've ended up worse but eh, what're you going to do about it? Shit happens.

So yeah, past month I had to worry about a group project. It's not as bad as it sounds but still comes off as a bad group experience. You know what this means right? Yep, little work done on my script. I think summer will get more productive though. I got some more ideas to implement into my "first" draft before I feel it becomes a complete draft. Then off to the rewrite.

Iron Man 2 Review

I'm not the biggest fan of the Iron Man movies. I remembered watching the first one and coming away from the film slightly underwhelmed. For a comic book superhero, the guy doesn't fight a lot. I definitely enjoyed it but it I never felt that all the praise that was heaped upon the first film was too well deserved, it was super fun but only in the sense that eating cake is only fun for the five minutes of sweet satisfaction you feel.

So here comes Ironman 2. Usually, a comic book adaptation's sequel surpasses the first with flying colours, and why shouldn't it? The origin story is out of the way and the only thing left is to expand on the character arcs and make the stakes higher for the main character. So the question remains, does it live up to the original?

Robert Downey Jr. continues to dazzle in the role of Tony Stark. He's does the loveable asshole role so well and make no mistake, Tony Stark is a huge asshole, but Downey just makes him so charming you can't help but root for the guy. Don Cheadle comes in to replace Terrence Howard in the role of Jim Rhodes. Upgrade? Eh, I don't know, I like Cheadle but I didn't think that he was given the appropriate screen time to develop his character more. It would've been interesting to see what Cheadle would've brought to the table if he was a larger presence in the film. Sam Rockwell is Tony's corporate rival Justin Hammer. I've been a fan of Rockwell since Moon and he holds his own in the movie. And Scarlett Johansson in black spandex as black widow? Holy cow that's HOT. Forget if she even acts in the film, she just has to stand there in the Spandex... Damn you Ryan Reynolds.

A lot of the charm of the Iron Man films lies in the witty banter between the characters. One liners just roll off of Stark and it gives the film a rather light tone, an aspect missing from a lot of current comic book adaptations. The film never takes itself too seriously and I suspect that's part of the appeal in watching Iron Man. You watch it to see the characters make fun of each other. It's just plain fun.

But when all is said and done, is the movie really good? Here's one of the problems that Ironman 2 faces. Tony Stark kinda just breezes his way past his problems. There's nothing really opposing him and his ideals. Government wants to seize his ironman suit, Ivan wants retribution over a past wrong that Tony's father did to his father, Justin Hammer wants to knock Tony down a peg, Stark's blood is slowly being poisoned by the very mechanism that's keeping him alive. We have all these great threads of conflict that set up a great second act, and it's not capitalized upon. Does Tony lose his suit? Does he lose the company? Does he struggle with finding a cure for his blood poisoning? In many ways, the film falls into a bit of a mess in the middle, struggling to balance all these plot threads but never taking itself too seriously enough to really explore it to its farthest extent.

This also brings up the problem with the main villains. What threats are they to Tony Stark? Justin Hammer for all he is, is nothing more than a sub-villain, posing no immediate threat towards Stark Industries because he's inept at his job and Ivan Vanko goes out to tarnish Stark's legacy to "make god bleed" which I guess he failed because he didn't tarnish Stark's reputation with the public. It didn't feel like anybody really lost any faith in Stark Industries after Whiplash's appearance and I felt the Mickey Rourke for all his talent and the menacing presence he imbues in the role, doesn't accomplish anything significant as a villain, again because it doesn't feel like he poses any immediate threat to Iron Man. The government didn't really strong arm its way into forcing Stark to give up the suit which is a complete waste of escalating conflict. A movie is about the high and low moments, a film does not succeed in being a completely happy affair. You need those moments of different emotional tones in order to contrast with the tones you've set. Iron Man 2 doesn't fully explore the emotional range of the story, and the film suffers a little from this.

One of the things that I absolutely feel is a huge weakness in the films are the lack of action set pieces. I count only 2 in this movie, and that's not including the little spat between Rhodes and Stark. The first one skirted by this by making... actually I didn't think the first one managed to skirt by it either. It seems at times that the filmmakers are too concerned with NOT hurting Tony Stark. Where's the conflict if you're not willing to let the main character be hurt? However, the action far surpasses that of the first movie and disappointingly though, it only just works. Nothing new to see here folks, just standard action fare.

But regardless of these structural problems, I have to admit that it was a fun movie. Not great, only good. And in some ways it is a disappointment only because the first act is established so well. I actually wounded up enjoying this better than the first one, though only by virtue more "action". Overall, the brilliant cast more than makes up for lackluster action set pieces and a loose story. Iron Man 2 continues to be fluff. But it is oh soo good fun fluff.

7.5/10