Free Write 2

I've been thinking about the reasons why somebody would avoid hell. Sure, no one wants to spend an eternity being tortured to death only to realize that you can't die.

But think about Heaven for a second. In heaven you can't do all the sinful things that we enjoy down here on earth. That means no porn, adultery, prostitutes, drugs, provocative music videos (and their music), violence, alcohol, killing, fast cars, fake tits, money, Michael Bay movies, and shellfish. To top it all off, you probably don't even have an internet connection to watch any of these things.

On the other hand, here you have hell for all the sinners, con men, drug addicts, gluttons, adulterers, gamblers, shell fish aficionados and Jersey Shore fans.

Plus I hear it's rather toasty. Can hell really be that bad?

Free Write: The Inception

Anything unstructured goes. Basically, it means that this is the absolute most bullshitting piece of writing I'll ever post because let's face it, when your teachers in elementary school told you to spend five minutes just freewriting, you know they were preparing you on how to bullshit writing.

(See how grammatically incorrect that last sentence was? FREE WRITING baby!)

Translated into proper English, this is the place where goofy things are supposed to happen. Sort of like dreaming but without the images. Like what I imagine blind people do when they fall asleep.

(Yeah I made a blind joke, it shouldn't be too offensive. Besides, it's not like they can braille on a computer screen.)

Somethings I'll feel like writing stuff just because. And these will be my free writes.

How you know you're watching a Micheal Bay Film

Most people by now would know when they're watching a Micheal Bay film. For those who are unfamiliar with his work, I've compiled an easy checklist so that you too, will be able to tell when you are watching a Micheal Bay movie.

American flag waving proudly in either the background or used as an establishing shot in the foreground

A character looks forlornly at the Sunset

A character looks forlornly at the sunrise

Military vehicles

Military Weaponry

Military jargon

Military missiles

token funny black guy

Token funny latino guy

Token funny ethnic stereotype if token funny latino or black guy isn't available

Ill conceived moment of humour

Shouting

homosexual joke, usually done in a way where the main character is mistakenly assumed to be gay, Look to: Bad Boys II and Transformers Dark of the Moon for examples.

Highly saturated colours, often either orange or blue tinged. Usually combined with a sunset or sunrise.

Car chases

Sports cars

Explosions (Duh)

Questionable physics

Polt inaccuracies

Rock music that thinks it's on the edge.

A panning 360 degree shot of our protagonists, usually with the sunset in the background.

Artistic musical dissonance: In other words, a well written and composed orchestral piece played amidst a highly energetic action sequence, used to class up the action.

Helicopter flying to a government destination, usually combined with a shot of the sun in the background.

If your movie has six of these or more, you're watching a Michael Bay Movie. If you have a problem with any of these things being in a movie, well then...



Fuck You. He's Michael Bay.

The Chronicles of Rick

I was walking to the parking garage in Chinatown after a long morning. I had to wake up around 8 o'clock (which in my world means it's still bedtime for me) to go to my bi-annual dentist appointment which doubled as a hair-cut day for the family.

Anyways, we just finished buying our groceries for the week and were about to go home. I just received a call from my buddies to go hang out and have lunch at the chinese buffet (9.99 for all you can eat lunch, fuck yeah I'm going). Given that I was already in Chinatown, it was an offer I couldn't refuse for the sake of convenience. Holding bags of groceries in my hand, I ventured down to the parking garage with my mom and sis to drop things off and head back out. It was there that I heard a familiar tune, which if anybody has ever been rick rolled, would have recognized almost instantaneously.

Now, having been on the internet for a while, I've been rickroll'd quite a few times. I hate it when it happens, not because I hate the song, but more for the utter disappointment you feel when you click on a link to see whatever it is you want to see (no, I'm not talking about porn... ahem) and be greeted with the elvis haired ginger Rick Astley dancing as hard as a white kid could in the 80's.

It's just the thought that someone would actually be singing along to a C.D. of Rick Astley that disturbs me the most. Not that I have anything against it. I just wished I could see the face of the driver when he realized he wasn't the only person in the garage (the music died rather quickly after he saw us).

I guess this could be a continuing series of posts. If I'm unlucky enough to get rickroll'd in real life (meaning I encounter the song never gonna give you up in real life and not on the internet), I will record the circumstances of the rick roll and add it on my blog.

this was when I was rickroll'd in Chinatown's parking garage.

The Agony of Defeat

Stanley Cup finals are over and as you'd expect, and much to my disappointment over my pessimistic prediction, the Vancouver Canucks lost against the Boston Bruins in seven games. I'm sad but strangely not too much so.

The Canucks accomplished quite a lot this season. We led the league in goals differential, had the best power play, penalty kill, won the President's Trophy and finally defeated the Blackhawks and advanced past the second round to play to the seventh game of the Stanley Cup finals. We were just one win away from winning it all. All in all, it's not too bad of an improvement over last year where we fell in the second round to the Chicago Blackhawks.

But you know, you're not really a true sports fan until after you shared in their many disappointments. It's great sharing in a team's victory, you're overjoyed, you scream and you bask in the glow of the team winning the championship. But when you lose, man it sucks, especially when you're so close to winning the Cup.

That's really the spirit of being a sports fan. You celebrate the victories as one and you share the disappointment of defeat.

So ends my extended vacation from writing. I'm getting back on the bike and trying to write consistently again. Maybe I'll have more blog posts, but most likely, I'm gonna finish my outline for my script. I haven't been showing up for work the past few weeks on this thing (mainly because it's summer) so hopefully, I find my writing legs soon.

Getting back on the Bike

It's been a while since I fired up the word processor to write, outline or do any kind of prep work for my script. Actually it's been a while since I wrote anything that wasn't school related. But that's the thing about life, you go to school (or if you're older, work), come home study and relax a little and once magic hour comes for you to start getting work done on the page, you think to yourself that you had a big day, you're kinda exhausted, and quite frankly, you're not feeling like writing.

Welcome to the last few months of my life.

I've been off of school for about two weeks and it certainly doesn't feel like it. It feels that I just finished my last final the night before and I still need to catch up on my rest to be at 100 percent before I start writing again.

Every night I tell myself, "tonight is the night I'm gonna sit my ass down and write" and every night for the last two weeks, I've found another excuse not to. Either I want to catch up on the movies I haven't seen or I want to finish giving notes on a script to a friend, or whatever. I blame the fact that school has been a burdensome orangutan for the past few months. It sapped me of what little will power I had to write by making me write essays. By the end of the school year, I just wanted to sit back and let myself go a little. Just relax. It's gotten so bad that I stared playing video games again, that's how much I wanted to escape putting words to the page.

But... I have only about two months left before I leave for school in the fall. That means I have about two months left to finish writing my script... or at least an outline.

Hockey News: Vancouver vs San Jose

Well, it's a dream match up for me. The San Jose Sharks are playing against my team, the Vancouver Canucks.

This is truly a hockey series where the fan wins no matter who does. Vancouver has finally advanced to their first western conference finals in 17 years and will battle for the position to compete in the Stanley Cup Finals.

The San Jose Sharks are repeat visitors from last year hoping to break through the conference finals after they lost in a sweep against Chicago, the eventual Stanley Cup champions of last year.

Both sides are battling against criticism as playoff underachievers. Both are hoping to prove these very critics wrong, but only one team will be able to do so.

I am very excited to watch this series.